Blog on….

Me, myself and my redhair!

“To shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are.”


― Roy T. Bennett

Ok, so I thought it was about time I start to tell my story.

So as of recent, something has changed where I have found this drive and passion within to express myself, be it on this blog, at work, or just in my everyday general life! I see a vision of the road ahead – and I’m confident I’m heading in the right direction.

I know not everyone believes in superstitions, I know I didn’t for a long time. Still, for as long as I can remember, I’ve coincidently had always glanced at a clock, and it’s always 1:11 – 11:11 etc. etc. It was so weird because, without a doubt, it was always that precise time, it was like BOOM! There it was again, and again, and again, number 1!  Just staring straight back at me.

For ages, I never thought anything of it. However, nonetheless, it kept happening over and over, so I finally started googling about it and came across this quote. “Your stars are aligned, your angels are with you, and you are on the right track.” Hmm… You know, this actually made sense to me and the way I’ve been feeling. It gave me a new kick to life, one that I needed, which left me feeling freer, lighter and more liberated and in control. Life started to fall in to place! I legitimately gained this new self-clarity that I was put on this planet for a reason.

You know when people talk about superstitious stuff, you always think “yeah, yeah”, “whatever”. Well… I think at 28 years old, I’ve had a lightbulb moment which made me realise I’ve reached that point in my life where I’m absolutely ready for what’s ahead and am looking forward to my next steps in this life. This got me thinking about all kinds of things, things like “How I currently get up feeling in the morning, how I go to work, and thinking can I enjoy my job? Is that even possible? I’m asking myself, things like, how can I learn more, work harder, and make better decisions to be a better person (I know, your thinking is that even possible). I’ve never felt this way before, so determined and ready to explore this new me and the future ahead.

It wasn’t until I started my new job in May, which was one of the best decisions of my life! I was sick of waking up every day, not being motivated to deliver 110% to something that was only giving me 30% back in return (the odds were against me). I was always wondering where the passion and happy place that doesn’t drain your soul at?! Everyone’s good at something. It’s the finding what your talents and skills are which proves to be the most challenging part.

Growing up, I always felt ‘different’ and thought that I didn’t “fit in” per se. Until recently, I pretty much my whole life assumed this was a bad thing. I see more clearly now though, I was born to stand out, and that brings me to how amazing this moment really is for me.

I’m going to give you a few little facts about why red hair is a beautiful genetic mutation:

  • Women with red hair have sex more often. (this is a 100% spot-on). Did you know that there are only 2% left of us in the world?  Statistically, that’s pretty rare.
  • We get hangry (yes, it is a real thing).
  • Redheads are more sensitive to hot and cold pain.
  • Red hair will never turn grey; it merely fades to white (this is true, everyone thinks I have blonde through my hair lol).
  • We can produce our own vitamin D
  • Redheads have fiery tempers and sharp tongues.
  • Redheads require 20 per cent more of anaesthesia as related to a regular patient.
  • Redheads have a profound sense of humour.
  • Redheads are more sexually desirable.
  • Hitler’s Nazi regime considered redheads to be demonic. It went on to ban marriage between two redheads, believing that they would produce more demon children. (That is so messed up on so many levels – evil man)

Just saying… To my red hair and freckles, “I’m sorry I hated you for so long.” This is what long-term repeated bullying does to you. When we get told something so regularly, you really start to believe what people are saying, especially when you get called this every single day of school.

The second day of high school, my group of “friends” I went to primary school with pretty much told me “I wasn’t cool enough to hang around them anymore”. That was it. I was 12 years old, and my world just came crashing down. Every thought went through my head. But the main one was it’s my hair. I didn’t have blonde or brown hair, and any other colour just wasn’t acceptable to be seen with. I cried in the girl’s toilets that day, and I’ve never been so heartbroken in all my life… well that’s what I was thinking then. Until a couple of year 10 girls walked in and heard me crying. One of them stuck their head over the cubical and asked if I was ok and to open the door and tell her why I was so upset. I explained what happened, and they were so amazing. I’m so thankful for those girls that were there that day. They found another couple of girls I was still friends with that were in the “uncool” category in the so real reality of high school. But that isn’t even the start of it. The constant bullying. Day after day. I went through hell.

Kids can be evil…. From the harsh pranks and cruel jokes, to even getting my hair set on fire! and getting my house egged. One that stands out to me was where one night, there was a bag of carrots left at my front door. To symbolise the nickname, they called me ‘carrot’. I can’t remember the countless times I would cry to my mum, and she would tell me, “one day you will wake up and realise how special you are, there are women who pay money to get their hair as beautiful as mine.” One of her best line of hers was “Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you”. She would cuddle me, laugh and say “Remember while they are talking about you, they are leaving some other poor prick alone”… Reflecting back, I remember I would always think “that’s not helping me right now mum, you don’t understand” and more so “why are you caring about some other miserable prick and not your daughter who is right here who is not being left alone?” But that’s mum, and she knew I could handle it because she raised me to be strong, caring and compassionate and above all ‘To never be a negative person’, Mum always seen the inner strength in me that I was beyond my years of comprehending.

I say it’s better to stay positive, and that “your glass is better off being a glass half full than a glass half empty.” I surprisingly got through high school, even though there were quite simply some of the worst days of my life – ever! There were days where I would want to curl up in a ball and quite literally never show my face again. Nevertheless, I pushed through it, and I went to school (I was made to, there was no getting out of school because of that).

I’m thankful and blessed to have had such amazing friends! I truly don’t know if I would still be here today if it weren’t for them. They loved me for me. “Cady” “no it’s Cadee”(off mean girls). I’m that girl who on the outside, is outgoing confident, and loyal with a heart of gold, and then, on the other hand, that same girl who would allow herself to continuously get trashed and stamped through the mud on the inside. I’m that girl who stands up for the “little guy” which has stemmed from having amazing people in my life, who wouldn’t let me believe any of the terrible things people would say about me. There’s a saying which goes like this “You may not be able to control someone’s negative behaviour, but you can control how long you participate in it”.

I know my own self-worth and appreciate everything my mum has always said to me as I know, it was her way of making sure she raised a strong, confident, clear-headed woman, who could cope with the shit that life hurls at us sometimes. I understand that going through all the shit, I went through when I was younger made me who I am today. It’s made me strong, and It gave me the ability to be able to see the good in people and to understand the realisation that people can appear to be okay on the outside. Yet, they are just “barely coping” on the inside. People who put people down for fun are like this because they are the ones that need happiness the most. Honestly, they get so consumed in it that they let all that hate take over their lives, and what do they have to show for it now? Nothing.

Why did I care about what other people think of myself that much?

I feel sorry for them. Still, I also want to thank them as they helped shape me into the person I am today – which I’m proud of. So, thank you for teaching me how to tolerate dreadful individuals, but teaching me a valuable lesson to never let anyone dim your shine!

The biggest thank you though goes to my amazing mother, my family and friends. Every day they’ve supported me in so many ways, This really is the result of bullying. Without thinking, it was an automatic thing to do. Cover up, your only pretty with your face full of foundation. I legit love having such a fresh face now, how did I ever live without smashing cold water over my face throughout the day?? The most amazing, refreshing feeling of just pure happiness. Your mind isn’t thinking about anything at that moment your mind is just clear as the drops splash on your face!

I genuinely never felt “pretty” without any makeup on until I finally seen myself as what I was and I like what I see. I hated so much that I would wear a jumper to school, even on hot days to cover them up, mum would always tell me how they are beautiful. They didn’t need to be covered up! I would wear make up every single day when we would go out in public, was I crazy??

I’ve finally accepted me for me! This redhead is pursuing her best life and will continue to be that black sheep and not follow the crowd through life. I’m going to do what I love doing and be creative! I feel as though I have found my calling. FINALLY!!!!

I’m going to continue to back myself, help those in need, put my time and energy into the people and things I love the most as that is where my happiness lies. I want to share my love, positivity and addictive personality with you all. If I can reach out to just one person and help them see that we really do have a purpose on this earth and we are all here for a reason!

The secret is finding your passion that lights your soul on fire and that special something whatever it might be that makes it worth fighting for! Life is a long road, and of course, there are bumps, but they all fall into something all worth it in the end!! Continue to follow me… in this crazy journey through this thing we call life.

I’ll leave you with a quote that I come up with a long time ago, I have lived by this and even got tattooed on my legs so I’ll stand for it (pun intended) for life!!!

“Forget the risk and take the fall, if it’s meant to be it’s worth it all.”

Oh, baby and it’s soooo sooo true

And you will never know if you don’t!

Let that sink in!

EDIT: I ACTUALLY HAVE GOOSEBUMPS RIGHT NOW!!   

The night I finally decided to put my thoughts into my notes on my phone, something crazy happened. Now if you don’t believe in things really do happen for a reason, then I’m about to change your mind. I was just going through my insta story when I click on my friend’s page, and the first person following her was my cousin who has just recently passed away. Now at this exact time I click on this, I had that urge to check the time! It was 1:11. I have so many emotions running through me right now. The one that is standing out the most is. LOVE I feel so much love, Troy! Thank you so much for giving me that extra push to really just go for it! What do I have to lose! When I have everything to gain! I really do believe you’re here with me and guiding me into something amazing! I’m seriously lost for words! The heartache of missing a big piece like you will never go away forever in my heart.

@troyzing

4evainourheartsxx

10 thoughts on “Blog on….

  1. Beautiful words I’m very proud of the beautiful young lady you’ve become and very glad you’re not a sheep lol love you more than you’ll ever know 😘💖

    Liked by 1 person

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